Monday, September 22, 2014

Triple Breasted Masseuse

So the media is all abuzz today about Jasmine Tridevil, a Tampa massage therapist who recently obtained a third breast after a long search for a surgeon willing to perform the surgery.

"It was really hard finding someone that would do it, too, because they’re breaking the code of ethics," she's quoted as saying, "I called, like, 50 or 60 doctors, nobody wanted to do it." Whatever doctor she did find to do it is probably less than happy that she's reminding the world that he violated the code of ethics - even though she says the surgery is "off the record" with a non-disclosure contract.

Why did she want a third breast? Apparently it's a gimmick that Tridevil hopes will help her to launch a television reality show about herself. She has, according to news sources, hired a professional camera crew to follow her around recording her every move. (Despite this, her promotional images shown in the news are smartphone selfies taken in bathroom mirrors.)

It isn't clear whether she intends to pitch this raw footage to the networks as a example or a pilot, or if she's actually hiring people to film, edit and produce the TV series now on her own and hope a network bites on it later. It also isn't clear if she's hired an agent, or is doing this completely off the grid by show business standards.

More disturbingly, perhaps, than her self-alteration, is her declaration: "my whole dream is to get this show on MTV." Hmmm. Aim a little higher, perhaps?

And if all that's not enough cognitive dissonance for you, she said another reason for the third breast was because she "doesn't want to date anymore" and that she hoped it would make herself unattractive to men. Say what? I would think a triple-breasted masseuse would be every sci-fi geek's wet dream. Then again, she has publicly stated there is no nipple on the fake third breast, just a tattoo of a picture of one. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Okay. Yeah, you know, that does, in fact, sound very very very very unattractive.

Lastly, to add further annoyance to a story that is already annoying on multiple levels, practically everyone covering this in the media is making reference to the triple-breasted woman in the film Total Recall, and omitting mention of the prior character Eccentrica Gallumbits, a triple-breasted prostitute in the 1979 science fiction novel The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Come on people, give Douglas Adams his props!

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