Merch!

Hey, kids, break open those piggy banks! There's a whole raft of new JSH merchandise available, and much, more coming on the way!

The one I'm most excited about is the set of The Bartender poker chips. You could stock up on these and play an actual game with this handsome poker chip created by Chip Lab in Tampa, Florida, but we prefer to think of them as currency for the next civilization, or one of those "commemorative minted medallions" you used to see on TV offers. Display them in your man cave as an Objet d'art, have one matted and mounted as one would a rare coin, put them away in your safety deposit box for hard times, or keep one in your pocket as a good luck charm when you hit the casino or strip club. This limited edition chip is anointed with J. T. Dockery's striking artwork for the book's cover, and is sure to increase in value over time.

Then we're offering playing cards bearing that same Dockery cover art. You can play some high-stakes poker with them (using, of course, our Bartender poker chips), treasure a framed one in a place of reverie and contemplation as one would holy icons, perform acts of divination with them as if they were Tarot cards, or invent your own Pokémon/Magic Cards style game utilizing them.

Then there's the Toulouse-inations travel mug, bearing the graphics for the original stage production's theatrical poster:

And the Toulouse-inations t-shirts, available in both "men's" style and "women's" slim cut:

Like my good friend Gene Simmons of KISS, I'm an unabashed fan of over-the-top merchandising and marketing. As the great man himself once said, voicing disregard for the portions of his fan base who disapprove of aggressive salesmanship and showmanship: "I think it's cool to see my face on a lunchbox. It's fun. I'm doing this for me. You don't have to buy one."

If you buy any of this stuff, contact me and I'll reward your diligence to the cause to which we are all so devoted, by gifting you a FREE JSH Book Club e-book of your own choosing! (Send me a pic of yourself holding said item and I'll even tweet about what a High Grand Super-Double-Titanium Meritorious monster you are!)

Fruti Cuba Coppelia

When in Tampa, I love to stop in at Fruti Cuba Coppelia on Kelly Road, for an authentic batido made from Mamey. They have plenty of other goodies, too, but since I'm a confirmed Mamey junkie, I never try anything else.

The fruit of the Mamey tree, aka Zapote, aka pouteria sapota, is popular in Mexico, Central America, the Caribbean, and Florida. But for some reason, this open-secret ingredient is hard to come by everywhere else. Mamey is usually eaten raw and is often made into milkshakes, smoothies, and ice cream. (It's also widely considered in the Latin-American world to be an aphrodisiac.)

Mezze

When I lived in the San Marco district of Jacksonville, I was walking distance to this enchanting little grillery called Mezze. Although I enjoyed coming here and was a regular purchaser of their margherita pizza (pictured below with some Green Room IPA), it only takes one bad experience to sour me on a place.

I had the misfortune of ordering their parmesan cheese fries, which was a plate of plain fries with three or four tiny melted globs of cheese amongst them, rather than evenly covering all the fries. When I explained to the waiter, and in turn the manager, that cheese fries are supposed to be fries covered in cheese, they looked at me as if they genuinely had no idea what I was talking about. No, they explained, our cheese fries are supposed to be just a plate of fries with a couple tiny pieces of cheese stuck on top of it.

Oooookayyyy then.

In an grudging half-hearted effort to placate me, they took the plate of fries and promised to put more cheese on it. When they brought it back, it was absolutely no different than before. I thanked them, paid the bill, left without eating the fries, and never returned.

But, dear friend, do not let the high standards of your humble Walkout King discourage you from visiting here and having some of that fine margherita pizza. Just avoid those fries, and don't get into a prolonged argument with them.

Jim Florentine on Florida

Submitted without comment: Jim Florentine's rant "People That Live In Florida Are Insane".

The Naples Thing

Awhile back, the Internet was abuzz about an alleged "UFO" seen hovering over a pool in Naples. Others, perhaps of a more Lovecraftian bent, preferred to think of it as the appearance of some kind of interdimensional creature that blipped in to visit our world.

Me, I think it's obviously a raindrop on the lens, being blown and contorted by the wind. But you can see for yourself here.

Atsena Otie Key

Off of Florida's Nature Coast, near Cedar Key, you'll find Atsena Otie Key, a charming little island whose claim to fame - as far as I'm concerned anyhow - is having been mentioned in Kurt Weill and Bertolt Brecht's Rise and Fall of the City of Mahagonny. (Historically speaking, it was also instrumental in the first and second Seminole Wars, in the Civil War "Battle of Cedar Key" and the taking of the USS Somerset, but, well, we each have our frames of reference.)

Though its heyday is over (it once was home to a thriving community), the 'ghost town' remains of the settlement linger on - along with a fishing pier, toilet facilities, and a walking trail to a 19th century cemetery.

Burmese Pythons

The Burmese python is native to Southeast Asia, but in the last century they've somehow taken a foothold in Florida and are thriving. How did they get here? No one is certain, but it's speculated that, like most other invasive species, they were brought in as pets and then either escaped or were released.

Originally the pythons were confined to the Everglades, but in recent years they're spreading. One was captured in Sarasota in 2009, and one in Bradenton that same year. How far they're capable of spreading is anyone's guess; it wasn't expected they would make it as far north as they have. Florida's Hurricane Andrew made the problem worse when it wiped out a python breeding facility and freed many specimens into the wild.

And with the discovery of tegu lizards in Ocala in 2010, officials are worrying that the ecological applecart has already been tumped over, and no turning back. Survival of the fittest and all that.

Time to start to develop a taste for python jerky. (Yes, it does exist!)