Friday, October 3, 2014

Christo

Since my own artwork is transcendentally primitive and lowbrow, I really have no room to judge any other artist. Then again, as a card-carrying Stuckist and Remodernist, I can't really get behind the postmodern trends of the wacky pretentious "Look, I nailed a condom to a gallery wall and called it art! Look, I dumped a pile of candy in a corner and called it art! Look, I dragged my bed from home into a gallery and called it art!" world.

This, then, is why I feel relatively comfortable in expressing disapproval at worst, boredom at best by the "exhibit" of Christo in which he placed a bunch of pink plastic around some islands off the coast of Miami, and, yes, that's right, you guessed it... called it art.

It was pretty. I guess. From an aerial view, anyway. Which few people had the chance to see. Boaters probably didn't love it, since it was just something else to have to manuever around.

Christo's own website corrects "common errors" in media reportage of his masterpiece, in rather persnickety terms. In particular, he takes umbrage at journalists who used the term "wrapped" to describe what he and his wife did to the islands with plastic:

Christo and Jeanne-Claude never wrapped any islands. They surrounded the islands. Most journalists do not understand the difference between "wrapping" and "surrounding" even though they should know that the United Kingdom is surrounded by water, it is not wrapped in water.

Whatever. And:

Not plastic – fabric. Woven polypropylene is a man-made fiber, and is woven. Plastic usually refers to a film, not woven. For instance, women who wear nylon stockings are not wearing plastic stockings.

Well, no, sorry to disagree, Christo, but polypropylene - you know, the stuff they make Saran Wrap out of? - is, for all intents and purposes, PLASTIC. Nylon, also a synthetic polymer material, is considered a plastic by scientists and laymen alike.

And what was done with all this plastic (thirty-five tons of it!) after the "exhibit" was over? It went to the landfill in Florida's Dade County, to rot and dissolve. Thanks, Christo. We'll call you when we need another favor.

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